First of all – Extrohero has been doing a fabulous job of stepping in while I’ve been getting used to my new life. I’m not entirely back yet but I thought I’d quickly jump in and introduce my new little Jedi to you guys. Oh, and also apologize for being horribly out-of-date with all your posts too, but I’m guessing you’ll forgive me since a new baby does take up a lot of time?
I’m not going to put her full name out on the internet because, well, she doesn’t have a choice. I’d rather her have a choice about if she’s all over the internet though honestly, if you search this blog hard enough you’ll be able to figure it out. Some of you know that I also really, really, really, wanted her to be born on one of the days a Star Wars film was released in May – specifically May 25th (ANH release date). Alas, the Force was not with me. She was born May 23rd at 8:24pm.
This may interest some of you though – her middle name is Rey.
Yup, named after Rey in The Force Awakens. I was so taken with Rey’s character in TFA: she is, to me, a female heroine that the movies have long needed. She is physically strong, but also mentally tough. She figures stuff out on her own and doesn’t need any help from anyone – male or female. But she’s also not afraid to show when she is confused, out of place, fearful, or upset. One of my favorite scenes is when she runs from Maz Kanata’s castle in fear of the lightsaber and what it means for her future. I understand that feeling. To me – Rey is REAL. And I want my daughter to look up to someone like her. My only fear (and I discussed this a lot with other fans) is that Rey will not be as cool in Episode VIII or IX and…what if…she turns to the dark side??? However, I have faith that Kathleen Kennedy won’t let me down on Rey and her awesome level and even if she turns to the dark side, I think she will definitely turn back to the light. That’s what the story of Star Wars is and fan love for Rey is too strong to mess with her character like that. My husband really wants her to turn into a Sith though and never come back. He thinks that would be a really funny joke on me. Thanks.
All that said, the middle name also sounds really good with my daughter’s first name on an auditory level. Rey creates a nice ring to the entire name. But to go with the theme of strength, her first name means Oak tree. I won’t tell you in what language because then you’ll be able to figure it out, but Oak trees have long been a symbol of strength, endurance, and wisdom. None of these choices in strength were really on purpose but now that I look back, maybe I chose these strong names because of my last two failed pregnancies. Perhaps it was a subconscious way for me to remind myself that my daughter will be strong.
Here’s her room, complete with an Oak tree decal (the only decoration I ended up putting in there…the wall paint color and curtains are what I originally had):
My daughter’s initials, funnily, are A.R.M. Arm! Haha. I didn’t even realize this until a cousin pointed it out so from now on, I will be referring to her as ARM on this blog if I ever bring her up.
Right now, I’ll be truthful, having a newborn is tough. Everyone always tells you the first month or two is tough, but it doesn’t prepare you. I think the hardest part is that there is no reward for what I’m doing. ARM hasn’t focused her eyes yet so doesn’t recognize me, smiles are still quite a few weeks away, and she can’t even hold up her neck. Right now, my days consist of feeding her, changing her diapers all the time, and then trying to get her to sleep because God forbid she start crying. If she does cry, then I have to deal with that and either feed her again or try to calm her. I hit a wall around 8:30pm and turn nasty on my poor husband and can’t really function due to lack of sleep. It’s very trying. The more tired I am, the more I feel like things are slipping through my fingers, the more controlling I become over minute things. I’ve had two breakdowns so far, not going to lie, where I think that I just can’t go on anymore (both times have been on a day where she won’t stop crying no matter what I do).
Here are some photos of her, but most of them are of her sleeping, but I threw in one of her crying just so you can see the other side of this as well (lol):
Will be back soon as there are posts swimming around in my head. MTFBWY.