I got a new job! Huzzah! I am so excited. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my old job but I got to the point where I felt like I had learned as much as I could and that I needed to take my skills to the next step.
My new job sounds like not just a next step though, it sounds like a BIG step. It increases my responsibilities and also brings me into a territory where I don’t think I’m going to be knowing what I’m doing. I have been getting this moment of panic where I wonder if I am overconfident in my abilities and applied for a job outside of my reach.
Don’t get me wrong – I think I will be able to do a lot of this job well 60% of the time. But, for instance, they are giving me a Mac computer to use. I have been completely PC oriented for the past 3.5 years. The last time I used a Mac consistently was in college, and that feels like a long time ago now.
During the interview, I was also quizzed on my level of Excel knowledge. Oh, easy, I thought. And then the questions got harder and harder and before I knew it…my interviewer had said that he believed I was a novice in Excel. Gulp. I really thought I knew a lot about Excel, but clearly not to the level they were looking for.
So during this week off, I have this fear that I maybe am pulling an Anakin. Maybe I think I know more than I actually do. Maybe I thought I was ready, but in reality, I’m not at all.
I am reminded of the scene between Anakin and Padmé in Attack of the Clones when he is telling her that he is ready for the trials. They are in his apartment and he just sounds like a whiney child. He feels like he is prepared to take the trials and no one can see it but him. Padmé is slightly condescending, but tries her best to be understanding. Hearing Anakin talk, we – as an audience – feel that perhaps he is being too impatient.
Is that what I am doing now? Was I too impatient? When I was applying for jobs, I felt like the 3.5 years I had had at the place was good enough. And, yes, I felt like I had outgrown my mentor. Outgrowing your mentor is one thing, but taking a leap into the unknown is another thing. But on the other end, if I don’t take a leap into the unknown, then how can I be pushed to the best of my ability? Where is the balance?
We saw that Anakin got his butt beaten by Count Dooku in two seconds flat for his overconfidence. So let’s hope that doesn’t happen to me.
Don’t get me wrong… Obi-Wan is a great mentor, as
wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu. I am
truly thankful to be his apprentice. Only… although I’m a
Padawan learner, in some ways… a lot of ways… I’m ahead
of him. I’m ready for the trials. I know I am!